*****

It went okay for the most part.  We had three relatively major talks about what has happened in the past and what might happen in the future.  I'm still not completely sure what to make of the trip or the discussions.  I've mostly been spending time trying to digest it all.

I am still not sure that we will reconcile.  I'm not completely sure that either or both of us want to... or perhaps it's more fair to say that neither of us is sure that we *can* (whether it's possible).  For the sake of the kids, at least, we are talking.  If the only thing that comes of any of this is a decent relationship in the parenting department, then perhaps that will be enough.  I hate being in this situation... even though a lot of it is my doing.  My wife has some culpability here, of course, too.  It's just difficult to deal with some of my guilt issues.  It feels as though I am at least placing the guilt in the proper context.  It's hard to explain & probably not worth the effort.  But it boils down to my using guilt in the past to "beat up on myself".... to use the "bad things" I've done to prove to myself that I am a bad person.  It's all very psychiatric!