Sunday - March 23, 2008

talking without talking

There's a Marillion song called Waiting to Happen that I listened to a few days ago.  I hadn't listened to it for ages for some reason.  It is on their Holidays in Eden record.  That's the one on which they tried to be a little less prog-rock, so there are a few more ballads than most of their records.

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The song contains a line that says:

We can talk without talking - from inside to inside.

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Oh but that it were true....

I am the "female" in my marriage, it seems.  I am the one who wants (or would love, anyhow) to stay up all night talking.  Listening to records - reading poetry - "talking about us".  All of that.  It seems to me that women would like that.  But it also seems to me that I have found one of the few who doesn't.  Don't women want to talk about their feelings?  Isn't that the stereotype in our society?  Or have I been duped by all the chick-flicks I have been dragged to all these years?  I guess I have been.  The cliche´ of the split screen... the guy complaining that he had to stay up all night talking with his woman.  On the other side of the screen, the girl saying how wonderful it was to stay up talking all night.  That was never really funny to me.  It hits much too close to my emotional home.

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Talk without talking - no it's not that

Making things easy - you want that

Making things real - that's also what you want

To talk - that's for me

Eventually to talk without talking - showing love - showing closeness - can't it be what we want not what we think the other wants? - that's for me too & maybe you

What is real to you?  Is it what's real to me?  It seems not

I want and need to know where we stand - how our feelings exist - where they exist - why they exist

There's a need to spend time with others - with family - with friends - no one dislikes that

At the expense of talking - feeling - digging in the dirt - confronting the hard things - that's not it

that's definitely not it - except that it is

Running away - don't hide

please - let me be worth it

let yourself be worth it

please