Tuesday - May 06, 2008

shrunken head

  I'm fixing to leave (I love being Southerner) to have my appointment with my psychiatrist.  She's really great.  I sort of tend to get nervous when I go to see her, but it's always fine once I get there.

*****

It was one of the scariest things I've ever done to go see a real live psychiatrist, y'know?  I suppose most people are that way - though I certainly don't know for sure.  In my experience with it, I spent so much time telling myself and others that the problem(s) weren't me.  The problems came from somewhere (someone) else.

*****

A lot of them *did* come from somewhere (someone) else, but I'm learning that I can only be responsible for me.  That seems so obvious.... but it's not to a lot of people.  It wasn't obvious to me, that's for sure.

*****

My psychiatrist is always helpful, so that's a good thing.  There are those who say that God & the Bible are the only way to redemption.  I don't necessarily disagree with that.  But I sure don't believe that psychiatry is "evil" in the eyes of God.  My shrink has never once told me that the things I have done weren't my fault.  Not once.  In fact, my experience with Lamictal, therapy, & seeing a real live psychiatrist has been that I am MORE interested, willing, and able to find God - to go to church, etc.  What was "evil" was that hole / pit / void that I had at the center of me.  Now that the hole is gone, I can finally get to the place where I can *believe* in that unconditional love and acceptance that God & Jesus can and are more than willing to give.  That's grace, I think.  I was keeping myself from it.  But now it's a good part of my life.  So psychiatry isn't evil.... at least it hasn't been for me.